


Times Of Change

by Lizzyboo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, crotch talk, i just realized this fic sounds kind of cracky, it's not lol, pre smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzyboo/pseuds/Lizzyboo
Summary: the thoughts that led to Phil's big hair change of 2018or, alternitavly, Phil finds a few grey hairs in a place he never thought to check before, and has a little crisis about the inevitability of growing old and changing.





	Times Of Change

Phil was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror for the last 5 minutes, eyes focused on his lower region with a frown. 

It was the first time he noticed (though he had to admit, he wasn’t in the habit of searching regularly), that there, between his dark hairs, were a few, barely noticeable, grey streaks. 

There was nothing abnormal about it, he tried to tell himself. Nothing that should worry him. He just never noticed before because of the dye on his head, and, well, he never really had a reason to look too closely at his pubic hair. 

But now, the image of his body was staring back at him from the foggy mirror, mocking. It was there, screaming right in his face, refusing to be ignored. He was getting older. 

*********************************

His mum always recalled fondly the story of how he once cried for two hours straight when he was five, throwing the biggest tantrum after she came back home from the barber with a new haircut. Telling how the moment he saw her his little face turned red and his big eyes turned wet and his sobs were so loud his father ran into the room thinking he got seriously hurt. 

“He ordered me to go and change it back!” she exclaimed once, laughing, when he and Dan were visiting his parents’ house and she was retelling the story. “Said I don’t look like his mother anymore!” 

Everyone where chuckling at his younger self’s expense, and Phil groaned loudly accordingly (not because he was actually embarrassed, no, but because he knew it wasn’t as fun for them if he didn’t act at least a little bit bothered). 

Dan was grinning, his cheeks a little red from the wine they opened earlier that night, his hand resting absentmindedly in Phil’s lap. “Oh, that sounds just like him,” he said, throwing a fond smile in Phil’s direction and earning himself a small push to the shoulder. 

“The poor thing, you should have seen his face when I said I can’t actually change it back,” she said, shaking her head, her face soft and reminiscing. She leaned forward, reaching from her seat to pat his hand. “I think that was the moment he realized you can’t turn the clock back.” 

*************************************

 

“Phil? Are you listening?” Dan asked, snapping his finger impatiently in front of his face. 

“Yeah, sorry, just zoned out,” he said, refocusing himself on Dan and the pile of files in front of them on the dining table. 

They were at it for a few hours now, trying to figure out dates and venues and flights for the tour, and Phil was more than a little unfocused. 

He woke up that morning with a throbbing in his head and a tiredness even the third cup of coffee couldn’t fix. He tried putting on his contacts but his eyes were drier than usual, and Dan vetoed the action as soon as he saw the struggle, reminding him that the doctor said he should start having more glasses days. 

Dan’s features softened when he caught his eye, studying him carefully. “Do you want to call it a night? I can stay for a bit longer, send a few more emails and then join you,” Dan said, his hand instinctively reaching up to push Phil’s fringe back and touch his forehead, the cool palm feeling nice against his warm skin. “You might actually have a slight fever,” Dan mumbled, drawing his hand away and looking a bit concerned. 

Phil shook his head. “I’m fine, lets keep going.” He said, straitening up in his chair, ignoring the disapproving look on Dan’s face. 

They both could feel it, he knew they could. The strain that planning this tour put on Phil was bigger than any project they did before. Bigger than Tatinof, or their book. It was hard on him, staying late planning and spending all day rehearsing. Hard on both of them, but somehow Dan still looked fresh after a week of intense schedule while Phil felt like if he let himself lie down now, he might never find the strength to get up again. 

And it was silly, he knew it was. There were a million reasons why he was having more trouble this time around. There was the fact that he felt more settled, more ready for the quiet domestic life after experiencing what it was like to travel the world, less eager to leave the comfort of his home for the second time. There was the fact that he remembered how hard it was to be on the road every day, how bad the travel sickness was and how tired they felt almost constantly. There were the changes to his and Dan’s routine- they slept more regular hours now, trying to have a functioning living schedule and therefore feeling the strain when they were messing with their sleep or overworking themselves. 

But he knew, that in addition to all that, there was also the simple fact that he was getting older. 

It felt stupid, to be this upset about something so natural. He never cared before, not really. And he could never admit this to Dan, or to anyone for that matter, but the sight of the few white streaks on his groin was bothering him in a way he ever thought it would. 

He was always bad with change, ever since he was young, he wanted everything to stay the same. Whether it was his mother’s haircut or his parents selling his childhood home, he always struggled with adapting to new things. But for some reason, the amount of obsessing and anxiety this new revelation about his own changes caused him, caught him by surprise, making him dwell on it more than usual.

“Actually, on second thought I think we both did enough for today,” Dan declared, snapping him out of his thoughts, flopping down heavily with his face on the table. “I’m beat, do you want to make some popcorn and watch a movie?” His voice was demanding and a little whiny and Phil couldn’t help but smile, because Dan knew the most useful way to get him to do something was to make him feel like it was all for Dan, and not for himself. 

“Okay,” he said, letting his voice grow warmer, reaching to pat Dan’s head on the table. “You go choose the movie and I’ll go make some popcorn.” He got up, but stopped when a hand curled around his, squeezing his fingers. He turned around, locking his eyes with Dan’s, fighting the urge to avert his look from the searching stare. 

“Don’t burn it like last time,” Dan said eventually, lightheartedly, bringing Phil’s fingers to his lips, kissing the tips. 

Phil let out a breath, tugging his hand free before leaning down to press his lips to Dan’s forehead. “I’ll try my best.” 

*************************************

Dan was kissing down his body, lips insistent, pressing down on all the spots he knew, from years of experience, would draw the loudest responses from Phil’s mouth. 

It’s been a long day. So long that Phil was having trouble remembering what they did for the most of it (or maybe it was Dan’s thumb, that was rubbing against Phil’s right nipple, that was making him forget for a moment). 

Dan’s touch was a blissful distraction from his aching limbs and the everlasting presence of the heavy exhaustion behind his eyes, and it was more than welcome. 

Dan was moving down his body slowly, taking more time than usual to get to the point. And its not like Phil particularly minded, usually. He loved romantic touches, loved feeling treasured and appreciated, but they were in this positon for some time now and Phil was starting to get more than a little flustered. 

“Dan,” he whined, bucking his hips up and urging him to get on with it already, earning himself a chuckle in return and a kiss to the hip, soft and ticklish. 

“Shush,” Dan said, but his fingers were finally, finally, hooking around the material of his pants, tugging down and letting the cool air meet Phil’s heated skin. Phil let out sigh of relief, head resting on the pillow and eyes closed. 

Only, Dan didn’t do anything after that. The room was silent while Phil waited for Dan to wrap his fingers, his mouth, anything really, around him, opening his eyes after a few moments when he felt a poke to the base of his cock, making him jump. 

“What-“ he started, lifting his head and looking down at Dan, ready to reprimand, finding Dan looking with concentration right at his crotch, a small frown on his face. 

And that’s when Phil remembered what he did a couple of days ago after looking at his defendant body for 10 minutes in the mirror, what he did after deciding he didn’t want to look at the evidence anymore. 

“You shaved?” Dan asked, confused, bringing his eyes up to look at Phil. 

Phil could feel some of the blood rush from his lower region to his face, making him flush bright pink. 

“Yes,” he said, fighting the urge to cover himself up.

“Why?” Dan questioned. And for some reason, it made Phil a little angry. 

“Do I need a reason for grooming?” he said, and he meant for it to sound like a lighthearted banter, but it wasn’t hard to detect the edge in his voice, and he had no doubt Dan heard it as well. 

Dan sat up on his knees, drawing away from Phil’s body, looking a little taken aback. “Are you planning to tell me what’s been going on with you lately any time soon? Or do you want me to keep pretending I haven’t noticed your weird behavior?” Dan asked, and there was a small edge to his voice as well and suddenly all Phil wanted was to put his clothes back on and go to sleep. 

He sat up as well, pulling his pants over his hips. He felt embarrassed, for the lack of better word. Embarrassed that Dan was bringing attention to this weird shame of his, embarrassed that he was even feeling ashamed. “Nothing’s been going on,” he insisted, refusing to meet Dan’s eyes. 

Dan took a breath, undoubtedly stopping himself from snapping at Phil. he’s been tired too, Phil knows, and the last thing they should do when they are both in this state was have an unnecessary fight. 

About pubic hair, no less. 

Dan shuffled closer again, putting his hand on Phil’s knee, thumb rubbing against his skin. “I mean, not that I mind a shaved crotch,” he said, trying to muster a smile. Phil had to fight the strong cringing feeling that was telling him to flee the situation. “It’s true what they say, everything does look a lot bigger in comparison,” he tried to tease, to ease the tension, and Phil couldn’t help but roll his eyes in response, lips curving up just a little. Dan looked pleased with himself for that. “But I much rather you did it because you actually wanted to and not because of some weird crisis,” he added, a little more serious, thumb still insistently moving against his knee. 

 

Phil kept quiet for a few moments, caving finally when Dan’s other hand sneaked into his, squeezing his fingers. “It’s silly,” he said, shifting his eyes to look at Dan, because protesting again felt stubborn and unnecessary and really, he didn’t want to give his issue a bigger stage than it deserved. 

“Most of your crises are,” Dan said, teasing, but his smile was relived, and Phil hated that he made him worry about something so stupid. 

“It’s silly,” he said again, “and I kind of want to work on it on my own, okay?” he was trying to smile at Dan reassuringly, calmly, squeezing his hand back.

Dan didn’t look too convinced, but Phil knew he wouldn’t push. They tried not to push each other, not unless completely necessary. Tried to give each other the space to work their own stuff out if asked for it, tried to respect each other’s boundaries. 

And even though it looked like Dan had a few more things he wanted to say, he let out a sigh, letting go of Phil’s hand. “Do you still want that blowjob?” he asked, voice serious, pushing Phil back on the bed when all he could get out was a surprised laugh, kissing his lips and muffling the sound. 

 

*******************************

 

“I’m going to change my hair,” Phil said on a Saturday morning while they were sitting next to each other on the couch, the tv playing in the background while both of them had their laptops open on their knees, browsing quietly. 

They didn’t have rehearsals that day, and they decided they should be able to squeeze one pajamas day every once in a while, for both their sakes.

It was a few days after what Phil liked to call ‘the crotch incident’, even though Dan didn’t bring up the subject even once, letting Phil think about it in his own pace. 

“Mhmm,” Dan hummed in approval, not lifting his eyes up from his computer. Truthfully, Phil couldn’t blame him. He was toying with the idea of getting a new haircut for a few months now, going over it again and again with Dan, never actually having the courage to do it. 

“I’m serious, I made the appointment, I’m doing it today,” he said, watching the way Dan’s eyes shot up to his, trying to see if he was being genuine. 

“Really?” Dan asked in disbelief. 

“Yes,” Phil said determinedly, even though he could feel his stomach tightening with nerves. 

They’ve been over this a million times before. His irrational fear of changing something that was so iconically his, losing the support of his followers, not liking the way he would look, feeling like he was losing his identity without his fringe. 

And still, Phil felt confident about his decision. Mostly. 

“That’s… great Phil!” Dan said carefully, eyeing his reaction. “Can I ask why now?” 

Phil shrugged, putting his laptop aside and crawling into Dan’s space, resting his head on his shoulder. 

“I just… don’t want to be 60 years old, still clinging to who I was in the past, not letting myself grow,” he said, feeling Dan’s hand reaching up to push his hair back, making space for his lips. 

He let out a breath, closing his eyes to the touch. “It’s time for a change.”

**Author's Note:**

> haha so... yeah. i'm not sure what this is but this idea was sitting in my head for some time now, so there you go ^^"  
> i hope you liked it!! please let me know your thoughts and come say hello on tumblr! @phantasticlizzy


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